WASHINGTON, D.C. – Congress is probing bitcoin and cryptocurrency through a series of hearings this week, and they have requested as an expert witness a generic social media influencer who just discovered it.
“We wanted to bring in a real expert who knows the space, so we chose a social media influencer who’s never mentioned in on their podcast, YouTube, TikTok, Instagram, Snap, Facebook, Twitter, Medium, or Substack once until yesterday, as they’ve been shilling every other trend for the last decade” said Congressman Asshat.
The influencer added laser eyes to their profile picture yesterday, proving they know a lot about bitcoin Twitter and nothing about bitcoin or life in general. This was enough to rocket them to the top of all possible candidates to bring before Congress.
Some bitcoiners are upset about the decision, but most feel it vindicates their claims that BTC is not at all like those scammy coins that attract grifters.