‘Very Strong’ Correlation Between Laser Eyes and Being an Idiot, New Research Shows

A new study found close to a 1:1 correlation between having laser eyes in your Twitter profile picture and impaired capacity for rational thought.

We found a strong disposition towards following arbitrary social cues and an inability to form coherent thoughts, especially about technology, finance, economics, money, and investment” Said John’s Hopkins researcher Elliot Grimm who led the study.

“It’s unclear as of yet what the causative factor is in the stupidity witnessed”, added Grimm, “It’s possible the addition of laser eyes impairs the cognitive faculties of otherwise functioning adults, or it could be that those who struggle with independent thought and reason are disproportionately attracted to laser eyes. It’s a classic chicken-egg.”

Since the study was released yesterday, the number of profiles with laser eyes has doubled, and the collective IQ of Twitter halved.

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