DES MOINES — Recent positive price action by Bitcoin SV has had many BSVers speculating that large investors, jaded by the Bitcoin bear market, are finally seeing the value of the utility of BSV.
“I told you all and you didn’t listen,” said Kurt Wuckert Jr on Twitter. “Institutional investment is here.”
TST can exclusively confirm the cause of the price action after leaked reports of an investigation into 11-year old tech tinkerer Reginald “Reggie” Hampton revealed that the boy is being questioned by federal authorities about his purchase last week of BSV with his $45 monthly allowance . Authorities say the purchase caused an “unnatural spike” in the price of the asset and were concerned that Reggie was involved in a “pump and dump” scheme.
“Literally nobody is buying this thing,” one investigator told TST. “Then Mr. Hampton came along, and, excuse my language, placed a big dick buy order on BSV that caused a massive supply shortage and a corresponding jump in price.”
“The market for this coin is so shallow,” said another investigator, “that any purchase is going to push the price higher. We think Mr. Hampton, who we know was previously involved in a 51% attack on BSV after he ‘accidentally’ became the majority hash miner while setting up his home computer to play Roblox, saw an opportunity to take advantage of this market.”
Reggie’s mother told TST reporters that her son is a “good boy” and didn’t mean to pump the price of BSV. According to the youngster, he was “just trying to get a little BSV so he could use Twetch because everything else in BSV is a scam.”
The Hampton family has, through their lawyers, issued an apology for any market confusion Reggie may have caused and have promised to control how he spends his allowance in the future.