Mayor Learns How to Turn Anarchists Into Statists: “I Said I Liked Bitcoin.”

Bayfield, Wisconsin — For years, governments around the world have struggled to discover a way to turn radical anarchists into docile, state-worshipping civilians.

Well, a breakthrough has just happened in the small town (pop. 450) of Bayfield Wisconsin. Mayor Biff Wilkinson said in a statement today that their local anarchist, who lives out in the woods in a faraday trailer surrounded by barbed wire, has agreed to turn over all his guns to local police.

This came as a shock to local townspeople who said the man was known to show up at town hall meetings to protest even trivial proposals like repainting the handicap spaces at the town water department.

“I honesty thought he would never change,” said Betty Jenkins, a long time resident.

Asked why he thought the sudden change came over the anarchist, Mayor Wilkinson said “oh I just told him I liked Bitcoin and this odd look came over his eyes before he agreed to stop being such an extremist and turn over his guns.”

TST reporters on the scene asked Mayor Wilkinson how he came up with such an ingenious scheme and he said “well, I saw it on tv to be honest. Nayibe Bukele in El Salvador has done an incredible job getting anarchist Bitcoiners to support dictatorship since he started forcing people to accept it as payment. He’s even making, what’s his name? Max Keiser the head of a state news show and all the anarchists are cheering. I just put two and two together and it turned out I was right. Who knew it would be that easy?”

Who knew indeed. More on this story, soon.