Continent of Australia to World: ‘You Fell for Crypto You C**ts’

SYDNEY – On-the-ground reports and undercover interviews revealed that the entire cryptocurrency ecosystem is one giant scam pulled by Australia on the rest of the world.

An anonymous investigator who shared his findings with TST said the journey to uncover this startling revelation began not long after he started listening to crypto podcasts.

I started to realize that not only was crypto full of dubious, obtuse people with totally unbelievable stories, but a disproportionate number of them had Australian accents. Australia has less than one third of one percent of the global population, yet at least a third of the loudest voices in crypto seemed to be Aussies. Is it coincidence that the country is overrepresented by a factor of 100 in crypto? It didn’t sit right.”

The investigator started digging and quickly found that nearly every single crypto project and coin was birthed or heavily promoted by an Australian. Many of the loudest voices in crypto are from Down Under, and he claims all the disagreements, forks, civil wars, lawsuits, and shit-talk are as staged as professional wrestling – just Australians having a bit of fun with the rest of us.

The breakthrough came when I was able to go undercover into a private meeting of Australian crypto personalities. They were all toasting and laughing about how they’d managed to run a decade plus scam on the entire world. They were saying stuff like, ‘How’s that for a penal colony you f**king c**ts!”

TST is still reviewing the evidence, but since we are a trustless, zero-confirmation publication, we probably won’t look very hard.

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