Warren Buffet Moves Everything Into Cumrocket

The Oracle of Omaha has sold 100% of his shares in Apple, Bank of America, Coca-Cola, Heinz, Verizon, General Motors, and every other stock, bond, commodity, and index fund he owns. Buffet put all of his assets into the hot new cryptocurrency Cumrocket.

He said, “I’m tired of being fearful when others are greedy, time to get in on this shit and get some gainzzzz!”

The “greatest investor of all time” was asked how this squares with his famous admonition, “It takes 20 years to build a reputation and five minutes to ruin it. If you think about that, you’ll do things differently.”

Buffet replied, “Have you seen how old I am? I may only have five minutes left. Time to go full degen baby!”

While the move left some of Buffet’s associates shocked, most of them have secretly been investing in every shitcoin known to man and trolling subreddits and paid Telegram groups for the latest pump and dump.

It’s kind of like what Soros used to do with shit national currencies, but we’re doing it with shit tokens.

Buffet said he regrets not having gotten in on the crypto game sooner, but “Better late than never.”

Cumrocket is now worth more than the City of Detroit and every manufacturing plant in the United States combined.