Craig Wright Loses $50B in Sticky Note Password Hack

LONDON – Cyber security expert and self-proclaimed inventor of bitcoin Craig Wright says he has been hacked by malicious actors probably involved with intelligence and the mob in a sophisticated attack that involved copying the password he had written down on a sticky note in the office.

The note, which was often seen on Wright’s monitor and other places around his home and office, read, “Password for file with keys to my 1M bitcoin: password1”, and was somehow obtained by malevolent forces that mean to discredit Wright’s 17 college degrees.

I don’t bloody care what people on Twitter say. Why do you think I spend all day responding to their claims in my private Slack channel? What most people don’t realize is that my expertise is not just in cyber security and math and literature and martial arts and cooking and philosophy and economics and pumpkins. I’ve also bought a Masters in Lawr in a parking lot that came in a folder that had a Harvard logo on it.”

Wright’s lawyers are suing every developer in bitcoin, claiming the advanced tactics used to copy the easily accessible sticky note could only have been perpetrated by top-notch developers whom Wright also claims are complete idiots.

Dr. Wright maintains that he doesn’t even care about the bitcoin, which he was planning to liquidate in rolling iceberg orders, as well as hold forever, as well as donate to the continent of Africa, which he says “Has less stuff than me”. For him, it’s the principle.

Wright told TST that Bitcoin, which he invented under a secret name, is about openness and transparency. The fact that someone would crack his top secret sticky note proves that the philosophy of anarchism has permeated bitcoin, because no member of any government would ever perpetrate a crime. Except maybe the intelligence agents out to get him.

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