‘The Citadel’ Turns Out to Be Lonely, Devoid of Women

MARS – Bitcoin maximalists achieved their dream of building a Citadel away from the filthy plebs where they could live like gods. Yet many now wish they hadn’t taken the one-way SpaceX flight, and are counting the days until they can return to live once again among nocoiners who are having a lot more fun even while staying poor.

This was the dream”, said a BTC sat-stacker named Vake, “Now it’s real. We fled the shitty fiat life on earth and built a dream city among the stars. Can you imagine 24/7, nothing but toxic Twitter maxis in real life everywhere you turn, inside a small dome with limited oxygen supply? I could. It’s all I thought about for years.”

Many holders got rich as the banking industry and governments came in to buy BTC and issue second layer IOUs on top of it to create a perfectly trackable, seize-able, inflatable surveillance and social control coin that libertarians love. Their newfound wealth enabled these ideologues to create the society they’d always dreamed of – The Citadel – far from an earth that never fully appreciated them.

But a few months in to the experience, most of the citizens of The Citadel are lonely and confused.

It’s a little weird. I thought there were a few thousand people here, but any time I walk around the dome only like one or two are out, and they just sorta stare at the ground when I walk by“, said one citizen who wished to remain anonymous. “I finally moved out of my mom’s basement to live my dream in a small cell on Mars. It’s cold here. And lonely. And it’s 100% dudes with pretty bad personal hygiene. I guess I sort of expected it to be more like a rap music video or something. It’s really not. At all.”

Some are attempting to build robot partners to mimic human companionship, but most are looking for a way to return to earth, though re-entry may prove difficult.

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