Michael Saylor Uploads His Soul to the Bitcoin Blockchain

In a move considered controversial by bioethicists and technologists alike, the founder of MicroStrategy and prominent Bitcoin advocate Michael Saylor has uploaded his eternal soul to the Bitcoin Blockchain.

Those close to Saylor say he’s been increasingly obsessed with the cryptocurrency, spending his waking hours tweeting cryptic messages about how it offers, “love and light to all things”, and, “is the essence of energy turned to being itself”.

After a failed attempt to surgically implant lasers into his eyes, Saylor was despondent.

“He was really crushed when they couldn’t do the laser eye surgery” an anonymous source told TST. “Then he got this idea to extract his soul from his body and distribute it among a bunch of mining farms in China and he perked right up.”

The procedure has been underway for several days now, but due to mempool backlog, only 0.2% of Saylor’s immortal soul has been uploaded so far, and he’s paid $79,000 in fees. Bitcoin experts were surprised at the relatively small amount of data involved, but still expect the process to take about 18 months and cost approximately $40M.

“A small price to pay to have my soul secured by a proof of work process that has brought infinite bliss to mankind by transforming sunlight into a solution for the Byzantine General’s Problem”, Saylor Tweeted.

Some have expressed interest in buying shares of Saylor’s soul as Non-Fungible Tokens (NFTs), but BTC developers removed this functionality from the Bitcoin code so Saylor would have to switch to Ethereum or BSV for an NFT, which he declined, citing concerns over his soul spending eternity bound to a shitcoin.

Not all BTC fans were supportive of Saylor’s move. There is concern among some maximalists that he is “spamming the blockchain with worthless data” and making it harder for them to run nodes.

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