BTC Anarchists Beg SEC to Regulate Competitors

CRYPTO TWITTER – A group of self-proclaimed “Toxic Bitcoin Maximalist Anarchists”, who believe that the initiation of violence and any claims to a monopoly on the use of force are always and everywhere immoral and inefficient, are begging and pleading with the US Securities and Exchange Commission to wield their iron fisted bureaucratic monopoly at the point of a gun to “Send all shitcoiners to prison for life”.

The agitators are sending letters to the SEC as well as programming bots to flood their online “Big Brother Tip Line” service asking them to bring down the full force of law on all who dare compete with the one true Bitcoin that has been altered beyond recognition from the code Satoshi released in 2009, and have pledged undying allegiance to any government that does so.

We believe in maximum freedom and reject all state-made law as illegitimate and immoral”, said a cypherpunk LARPer associated with the cause. “That’s why it’s so important that the SEC use their ill-gotten power to crush the peaceful commercial activity of our rivals. Have you seen their memes?”

When asked for comment, a spokesperson for the SEC said they were having trouble figuring out how to work their email so they’d get back to TST via fax after the weather and Covid shortened week and Federal holiday Monday.

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